might liveblog again today cause its fun. will try to do it less obviously and with less iteration.
10:14 - feel like i’m in a charlie brown cartoon, where i’m lynus or somebody, and the teacher is making the “wa wa wa” noises instead of words. she said “has anyone here travelled?” which seems like a very dumb question. gonna continue to hear her words as “wa wa wa wa.”
10:16 - obsessed with the dream i had last night and have been for the entire hour that i’ve been awake. that hour seems like a full day, but only in the context of remembering the dream. note to self: talk about how memories of dreams wither much more quickly. see? this liveblog is working already. anyway the dream featured me arriving at a new college or program or something, and immediately becoming friends with a very outgoing, “weird” girl who i gradually built up attraction toward. she wasn’t visually based on anyone i’d ever met before, but obviously she was because that’s how dreams work. her best friend was a girl from my creative writing class last year, and she entered the friend circle. then my friend joe entered it too. the four of us hung out for a while, and our organization was throwing a big party. we were upstairs about to watch a play and get on a train, but i realized i forgot my phone. as i ran downstairs to get it, it seemed almost certain that i would slip on the stairs but then i didn’t. turned out my phone was in my pocket the whole time. ran back upstairs, saw a girl from high school transformed into twins. we left, and something i forget happened or maybe i woke up. social media was also a part of the dream. feel less “obsessed” with the dream now. realize that so many of my dreams take place in settings that are odd combinations of school and camp.
10:26 - while i was typing that the teacher said “i really hope none of you in the back [im in the back] are looking at other things because this is really important” and my immediate reaction was “fuck you.”
10:29 - she is talking about “black body radiation spectrum” and all these other terms that don’t make sense to me. think i find it difficult to care because i have not developed some kind of crush on the teacher. actually that seems stupid and inaccurate. feel like im gradually ridding myself of pornbrain.
10:31 - feel deep sadness that the girl from my dream does not exist or i dont know her. feel like she would be a good match for me, mainly because she was very nice and clearly wanted to forge a connection with me. i now remember we were wearing costumes and mine was bad but she still announced that i “looked handsome”.
10:33 - consciously typing less than i want to be because of previous comment, as well as looks from other teacher yesterday. feel like the fatal flaw of liveblogging is the fact that its loud and distracting when i type, and i become self-conscious. seems like the entire point, or part of it, is to become less self-conscious.
10:37 - she said “planet earth” and i thought she was talking about the bbc series that i have on blu ray. funny that i think of a movie instead of the place i live when i hear those words. like if there was a movie called “danny” and i thought of it when somebody said my name.
10:40 - don’t like the way that i’ve been thinking/tweeting (same thing) lately. like i don’t have a specific problem with it, but i feel like its very ripped off from tao lin/megan boyle and i don’t like being this unoriginal. like, why can’t i just be me? doing a lot of funny things to make it seem like what i’m typing is related to the class, can’t really explain. like making thoughtful faces after she says things and then typing a lot about planet earth and my dreams.
10:43 - feel like, during the times i’m not typing anything, i’m basically not thinking anything. in general i’m not really thinking, but i’m definitely not thinking as i listen to this woman talk about wind and hurricanes.
10: 45 - curious what somebody would think if they read this, like maybe i’ll show this to one of my friends later. i feel like its a completely narcissistic exercise and unvaluable to anyone that’s not me outside of the casual jokes i make throughout here. feel like the word “casual” is a meme in my writing recently.
10:47 - unironically thought “this would be more fun if i was on drugs.” dislike myself for using “unironically” for several reasons: 1) ripped off from tao lin 2) fuck being aware of if something is “ironic” or “unironic” 3) i should just try to do everything honestly and earnestly, which is another TLW (tao lin word).
10:53 - all the professor does for his class is rant about nonsensical, disparate information for one hour, three times a week. the GSI’s (TA’s) seem to think that they can process this information and convey it to us, as if theres some underlying genius to the whole thing. like the professor is a religious prophet and they are interpreting it and explaining it to us. but really he’s not saying anything and they don’t understand it either. feel like most of college/life is like this and the metaphor extends to a lot of other things around the world, such as the religious prophets i just mentioned.
10:57 - the problem isn’t so much the nonsensical, disparate information, but the pedestal that its placed on. like the way that some people’s NDI (nonsensical, disparate information) is valued more highly than other people’s NDI. in reality, everyone’s NDI should flow into the same pool of knowledge, and the gaps in each persons NDI should be filled in by other people’s NDI. feel like we need matrix-like computers in order to fully achieve this.
10:59 - feel like i will post this to my throwaway tumblr account and show it to some people so they think i’m cool/smart. the dirty looks that im getting from this woman need to be in service of something.
11:00 - just drank coffee grounds. need water immediately. completely abandoned apostrophes, but still care about commas. seems arbitrary.
11:03 - just did a thing that i hate when people do, which is regurgitate what another person said in order to get participation credit. in my defense, i was randomly called on - probably due to the loud typing, etc.
11:07 - thoughts in rapid succession: i have to take a shit. i need to do laundry. i want to watch delocated. this girl looks like a porcelain doll. im going to smoke a cigarette on my way home. i have to piss. feel my thoughts rapidly deteriorating, at least in terms of complexity. feel like thought complexity movies like a sine curve. should reflect this in fiction writing.
11:11 - distinct memory of loudly, drunkenly arguing about harry potter (specifically dumbledore’s proposed strategy to the ministry at the end of book 4) on a train, and then getting off and seeing that a bunch of old ladies were listening the whole time. all of this spawned by the word “ameliorate”.
11:13 - girl pronounced pakistan the traditional way (with a b) but it sounded like “bongistan”, which would be a funny premise for a shitty, absurdist webcomic.
11:14 - imagining projectile vomiting across the entire classroom and having it hit the whiteboard. that would make this a more memorable class, and people would probably do better on the upcoming quiz because this class would stick out in their minds more.
11:15 - thought complexity at a nadir.
11:17 - have vigorously nodded everytime the teacher asks “does this make sense?” even though it never does. want her to think i care, despite loud typing.
11:18 - funny that i said i would do this with “less iteration” but then when you look at the timecodes they’re all 1-3 minutes apart, and usually thats just the time it took me to type whatever it was. if i’ve sent this to you and you’re still reading, thank you. also, kind of funny that you wasted that much time reading this.
11:20 - “catastrophic convergence” would make an excellent band name.
11:21 - don’t think you actually wasted time reading this. i immensely enjoy reading megan boyle’s liveblog and basically want to replicate that effect, which i think maybe i kind of did. can’t imagine doing this all the time though, because lately i think its important to forget things and use your memory (and lack thereof) as a filter for what’s “important”.
11:23 - quotation marks are classic TLG (tao lin grammar)
11:24 - really want to take mushrooms this weekend and will be very sad if i don’t. class over, goodbye.